How to Lose a Heart
by darkangelwings90
Summary: It all went wrong when Riku stole my first kiss...
1. prologue

So do you want to hear a funny story?

Well… I guess the _funny _part could be argued…

I only say funny to fool myself into staying happy, but unfortunately enough I happen to be a bad liar.

I suppose my problems all started last fall. I was sitting up on a hill watching Riku, Kairi, and the others play volleyball on the beach down below. My two friends were giggling and flirting with each other. Now I know the image of a giggling Riku is hard to comprehend, but just bear with me, okay? A chill caused me to pull my knees to my chest as I stared up at the glittering stars. I didn't even hear the figure come up behind me.

"Sora, what are you doing up here all alone?" Riku's voice whispered in my ear.

"Eeaahh!" I all but shrieked.

"That was an interesting noise," Riku chuckled.

Sometimes I just couldn't tell if I hated or loved that smirk of his.

"Yeah, yeah," I sighed, my hand flying to my palpitating heart. "What?"

Riku didn't reply. He just sat there, staring at the sky. I soon found myself following his example. The cool breeze was nice it felt like a-

Wait…

What was that?

My eyes snapped open when I felt a pressure against my lips. It was Riku! I gasped involuntarily when he leaned down again, this time keeping his lips locked with mine for a longer period of time. I didn't dare shut my eyes. When Riku drew back, he stared amusedly down at me.

"Wuh- what was-?"

"I thought I missed the first time," he smiled.

Damn that charming smile.

"No, y-you got me," I breathed, confused. "B-but I thought th-that you and Kairi were going out."

"We are."

"Then… Then why did you just…"

"Riku! Sora! Come down here! We're starting a new game!" Kairi interrupted.

Riku turned to me and, with a smirk and a shrug, walked down to Kairi and the others. He placed a chaste kiss on her cheek, earning a gag from Roxas and Axel.

"Aw shove it guys," Kairi huffed, it isn't like you don't do that too…"

Axel moved his arms to place them about Roxas's waist.

"Well yeah, but not in public," he grinned.

Roxas and I gave a simultaneous face palm as Demyx laughed at Axel's joke.

Deep down in my subconscious a felt a pang of hurt as I watched Riku with Kairi hanging off his hip.

I had realized not too long before that I had grown feelings beyond that of friendship for Riku. I guess it was due to his constant teasing… I don't know… All I knew now was that I had just lost my first kiss to my best friend… My best friend who was a boy… With a girlfriend…


	2. Chapter 1

The weird thing was that, at first, when Kairi found out about Riku's recent tendencies of kissing me, she was fine with it.

'That's so hot! Yaoi!' she had cried.

I'll never understand girls…

But anyway, time passed and my birthday rolled around and Riku promised me a good present, and I just called jokingly him a perv, and pushed the comment aside. It was a week until Halloween, and we had just come to my house after going to a costume party. Kairi had to work, so it was just Riku and I in my room upstairs.

I had stuck my tongue out at him playfully when he teased me, only to find it stuck between his teeth as he slyly pushed his own tongue inside my mouth. All too soon I found myself pinned to the bed by Riku. He placed gentle kisses up and down the side of my neck and face, calming my raging senses.

Too caught up in the moment was I to think to stop Riku before things could escalate. He ran his fingers up and down my chest and sides, kissing me as I forgot how to breathe and began to gasp for air.

He eventually saw my need of air, so he lay to the side of me, pulling me, gently, to his chest.

"Love you," he breathed.

A wave of warmth hit me like a wave, and I felt as if I was about to cry.

I had waited seventeen years to give away my first kiss…

My first…anything…and it was to the right person…

It was all so perfect.

That is until the bell rang, informing us of Kairi's presence outside.

Riku practically leapt from my side to go answer the door and let her in, immediately gracing her with a deep kiss, telling her how much he missed her while she was away at work. Kairi smirked at my disheveled appearance. My hair was messy… well… messi_er_… the front buttons of my shirt were untidily fastened and a red love mark decorated my throat like a tattoo.

She wrapped her arms around Riku and chuckled lightly.

"You had so much fun without me?" she asked, feigning hurt.

I sighed sadly, unbeknownst to the couple, raking a shaky hand through my hair.

They looked so happy.

_He_ looked so happy.

So much happier than I ever could make him.

I asked Riku if kissing me really meant anything recently…

He said that he couldn't be sure…

He stopped kissing me after that…

Weeks passed and Riku and I grew distant.

He spent all of his time with Kairi now, only calling me whenever he wanted to complain about how he hadn't seen her in three days.

I was his last resort.

It began to be hard to even speak with Riku without crying. I felt like such a baby, but I hurt. So bad…

I felt like I was being used.

Actually… I was… I just didn't realize it fully yet.

I stopped talking to people, with the exception of Roxas and sometimes even Axel, when he wasn't busy with collage or his band. Roxas is the only crying shoulder I trust anymore. I want to cry so often now a days, but I keep it in now for Roxas and Axel's sake… they worry about me enough.

I'll be okay on my own.

I mean, it worked for the first sixteen years or so…

It should work now too…

Right?

Yay! A fast update!!! Please read and review!!


	3. Chapter 2

Hey

Hey!! Umm… so sorry for the late update!! ;;

Roxas: hits darkangelwings90 over the head with manuscript Bad author! Bad!

Me: B- Bu-

Roxas: No excuses!!

Axel: Now now, Roxy… Violence is not the answer…

Me: Nope!! It's the question!! Violence…?

Roxas: holds manuscript menacingly

Me: whimpers Let's get on with the chappie before I get killed….

Axel: darkangelwings90 does not own kingdom hearts…. If she did, there would be no Kairi and more Riku/Sora and AkuRoku time… Why doesn't she own it again…?

Roxas: Lack of money?

Axel: Oh yeah…

--

Weeks have passed since the last time that I have seen Riku.

Kairi finally got fed up with Riku's constant playful teasing in regards to me and shortened the ever present metaphorical leash. She would take him out on days where he had promised to be with me, and it hurt, because he would agree without question. Then, if I would get a hold of him, he would brush the incident aside and change the subject. It got so bad, that eventually I began to seclude myself even further, rarely even talking to Roxas and Axel.

I tried not to hurt, but Riku was my first friend ever. I didn't even meet him until I switched to his school from a private school where I was constantly laughed at for being poor and raised by a single mother.

He reached out for my hand the first time that I met him. I had just taken a tumble over my own nervous feet, and he helped me up and introduced himself to me. For a moment I was just swept away in the moment before I hastily replied with my own name, shaking his hand rapidly out of sheer nervousness. He simply laughed and led me over to the playground where our friendship began. That was eight years ago.

I finally snapped recently. Riku came over and tried to 'fix' things between us. He invited me to a party at his new friend's house. I became excited and I immediately agreed.

Why you ask…?

Simple.

I'm a fool and apparently easily manipulated.

"Make sure to be ready by at least five o- clock," he had said.

I took my time getting ready. I was so happy. We were finally going to fix things up.

Five o- clock rolled by, steadily followed by six and seven…

I called and called Riku's cell, but no one picked up. Hell, I even tried Kairi's phone… still nothing… With eight rolling in I finally received a call from Riku on Kairi's cell.

"What do you want? I heard that you kept calling me," he all but snapped.

"I- "

I became suddenly silent.

I couldn't speak.

I was furious. I wanted to go through the phone and kick him in the face. I wanted to scream and shout. I wanted him to know how angry I was.

"You there…?" he asked.

"Yeah," I whispered. "Yeah, I'm here…."

I wanted…

"Did you even _want _to hang out with me today?" I questioned quietly.

I-…

"What are you talking about?"

"So you forgot about me…." I mumbled. "Again…"

I wanted to curl up into a little ball and cry until I couldn't breathe.

"Oh yeah!" he exclaimed, speaking over the other loud voices on his side of the line. "Sorry, I guess plans kind of changed. I'm at my friend's house now. We were playing strip poker."

"I see…" I whispered, biting my lip to fight off the tears. "I'm sorry to have bothered you then."

And with that I hung up the phone. I ended up spending the rest of the night in my room.

The next day he asked me if I was mad on an instant message.

I told him that I was.

He called me up on the phone.

"Sora… I don't think that we should be friends anymore…."

--

Roxas: You are so mean cutting it off there…..

Axel: Yeah, and where the hell are we his chapter, huh?

Me: Don't worry, you have a bigger part next chapter…. Especially you, Axel

Axel: O.O Really?

Me: Yup! So sorry people!! I love all of you who reviewed!!

Captara- Thanks! I really appreciate that!

Firestorm Studios- Sorry it took so long!! I had a major block! But it's gone now, so I'll update far more often!!

Muchacha-Thank you! Sorry, no Leon/Sora in this ficcie, although I do agree that it's pretty cute…

Love-of-all-Anime- Thanks! I know too, that's kind of why I wrote this…

Silver-White-Tiger- Don't worry, upper case away! –laughs-

Sachin- I'm glad that you like it!

I loooooove you guys!!


	4. Chapter 3

Axel: -beaming- Ne, ne, so how about that big, fat hunk of me that you promised for this chapter…

_Axel: -beaming- Ne, ne, so how about that big, fat hunk of me that you promised for this chapter…?_

_Me: Hmmm…I don't recall 'promising, per say…_

_Axel: ToT What?!_

_Roxas: She's joking, Axel_

_Axel:… I knew that…_

_Rosas: '''-.-_

_Me: -pats Axel's head- Of course you did, minion._

_Axel: You don't own me!_

_Me: I can wish!! –cries-_

_--_

"_Sora… I don't think that we should be friends anymore…."_

I completely froze.

It felt as though my tongue had been glued to the roof of my mouth.

"Sora?"

Immediately a memory popped into my head from when I was younger. A girl who pretended to be my friend had just informed me that she wasn't rally my friend and that she felt sorry for me, while her large group of friends snickered loudly as they surrounded us.

"Sora…?"

"No."

"What?"

"Y- you can't mean that…"

"I do-"

"But you-" I faltered.

"Listen,-"

"NO! You listen!! Look, I realize that you care for Kairi much more than me, but is it really just that easy for you to drop our friendship like that?! We've been _best _friends for freaking ever! Am I really that replaceable?! Did you ever _really_ care about me at all…?"

Riku was silent for a moment.

"Well?" I pleaded for an answer.

"Do you really want me to answer that…?"

"………"

I Hung up the phone… I don't remember much after that…

-Axel's point of view-

I was pissed. No, I was beyond pissed, I was out for blood.

"God damn it, Riku!!" I shouted. "Open you're fucking door!! Riku!!"

To my chagrin, Kairi opened the door in Riku's pajama shirt. Honestly, had she no shame? Sure, I walk around in my boxer's at home, but that's totally different!

"Is your boyfriend there?" I asked, spitting out the word boyfriend as if it were poison.

"What do you want?" she asked.

Let me be perfectly clear. I H-A-T-E Kairi. Sure everyone else may think that she's a saint, but I can tell a bitch a mile away.

"I believe I already told you," I smiled with fake sincerity. "Riku!! Get your ass down here!!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming," I heard from the large staircase. Rich bastard… "What's up-"

His sentence was cut short by my fist in his face.

"What the fuck, asshole?!" Kairi shrieked, mortified.

"Shut up, Kairi!" I bellowed.

"What the fuck was that for, Axel?!" Riku exclaimed, getting up. "What the hell is wrong with you?!"

"So when's the last time that you talked to Sora?" I asked calmly, as if I wasn't wanting to pummel him.

"What does that have to do with anyth-"

"ANSWER … the question…"

"A couple weeks, wh-"

"I know. Do you want to know _how _I know…?" I asked in a sickly sweet voice.

"H-how…?"

"Well it's quite simple…" I said. "IT'S BECAUSE ROXAS AND I HAVE SPENT THE LAST THREE WEEKS WITH HIM! WANT TO KNOW WHY?!" I know I sounded like a mad man, but I didn't care. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED WHEN HE GOT OFF OF THE PHONE WITH YOU?!"

"No, I-"

"HE FUCKING TRIED TO KILL HIMSELF!!"

"No, he… he wouldn't…."

"APPARENTLY HE WOULD, YOU FUCKING TWAT!! YOU- AHH!" I shouted.

I took a calming breath and continued.

"You asked me what's wrong with me when I got here, but you're the one who should be ashamed of his actions…"

"Sora put you up to up to this didn't he?" Kairi scoffed.

"Actually, _bitch_" ah, that felt good, "He told me to drop it after he explained what happened, but I said fuck that and marched my ass over here to give you a piece of my mind. You're just lucky that I told Roxas to stay with Sora. I think he was about to kill you guys."

"You're serious?"

"Are you fucking retarded? Do you think that I would joke about this?"

I stomped out the door, but before I slammed it shut I left a warning.

"Don't you DARE do ANYTHING to EVER hurt Sora again, or I won't just let you off with a black eye. Sora's like a little brother to me. The only reason you aren't IN the hospital is because I don't you around Sora until I think that you deserve to be."

--

_Me: Wow, Axel's Quite bad ass…_

_Axel" Oh, I know…_

_Roxas: /_

_Me: Aw! Lookit him blush!_

_Roxas: S- shut up! Hurry up and review, please, so she'll shut up!_


	5. SORRY!

Sorry my lovelies

Sorry my lovelies!! This isn't a chapter! I know that I said that I'd update within a week… and…well… I started summer school & forgot where I was going with what I had, and now I have a block. If anyone has ANY ideas, let me know!! It would be greatly appreciated!! Love you guys!! Or girls, you know…whatever… Anyway, any and all help will be greatly appreciated, & I'll mention you next chapter!


	6. Chapter 6

Axel: Took you long enough…

Axel: Took you long enough…

Me: Aw shuddup…..

Roxas: So do I get to punch Riku in the face now…?

Me: Now, now… Let's not be hasty…

Riku stood outside the entrance of the hospital that held Sora. He had thought through and ended things with Kairi. After he had seen her reaction to Sora's near suicide, Riku decided that she was no where near as great of a person as he thought that she was. She had spent near an hour at school the other day tying to convince Riku that Sora had only slit his wrists because he had wanted attention. Unfortunately enough for her, Roxas (who, by Axels request, had attended school that day) overheard the conversation and backhanded Kairi right across the face when he heard her accusations.

--

"You fucking bitch!!" he shrieked. "How dare you say that?!"

"Roxas settle down."

Riku tried to be the voice of reason but was jerked forward by his tie as Roxas pulled him down to eye level. He was now face to face with a very pissed and surprisingly scary blonde.

"You son of a bitch," Roxas said in an eerily calm voice. "Don't you _even _try to stop me… You were lucky that Axel was the one who talked to you about Sora… I was so mad I would have put your fucking head through a wall."

"I know Roxas!"

At this Roxas laughed.

"Oh, you _know _do you? Tell me this Riku… Do you_** know **_what it's like to watch over Someone that you care so much about as he sits there and feeds you lies about how well he's feeling when you _know_ that he's doing everything he can just to NOT CRY ANYMORE!! DO YOU_KNOW_ WHAT IT'S LIKE TO HAVE TO LISTEN TO SORA CRY HIMSELF TO SLEEP WHEN HE THINKS THAT YOU CAN'T HEAR!! AND TO _KNOW_ THAT…that… there's nothing that you can do to help him…?"

Riku was staggered to say the least.

Kairi had long since left, and now it was just the short crying blonde and himself.

"He's so broken, Riku... You owe it to him to fix him… If you ever cared about him…. You'd come visit him soon.

--

"Room 013…." Riku breathed as he stood outside Sora's room at the hospital. Sora had been moved to the psychiatric ward of the building, and now he just stood there with Roxas beside him. Sora's own mother, according to Roxas, hadn't even visited her son at all. Something about her being "too busy..."

She had yelled at Sora for wasting her money on hospital bills and left…

Simply…. Left….

--

I sat in my uncomfortable, white, chair….

Everything is white…

I hate it and I want to leave…

I don't care where, I just want to _leave!!_

I laughed at another one of Axel's horrible jokes. He got up and waved.

I felt my spirits sink when he said that he had to go.

It gets so lonely here. Axel and Roxas's visits are all that I look forward to, but still I smile and wave him off.

Axel paused as he walked through the door way. I tilted my head to see what got his attention, but froze as I saw none other than Riku walk through the doorway.

Immediately I hid my bandaged arms in the folds of my robe.

I know that I look horrible… I don't think that I've ever been so pale in my life and Riku standing there gawking at me wasn't helping.

"Hey," I offered awkwardly.

Riku cut me off with a back breaking hug.

--

Sora froze up instantly and pushed against my chest.

"Get- get off!! Ple- please!!"

I only held him tighter..

"I'm so so sorry, Sora," I whispered.

"Riku, let go! You don't love me, so let go, please!"

"Sora…?"

Sora hid his eyes in his hands and took shaky breaths.

"Riku, don't do this if you don't love me…. It…It hurts too much… Just.. please…"

"Sora…"

"Riku, don't mess with me…."

"Sora…!"

Sora began to sniffle in a desperate attempt to stop the tears.

… As did I…


End file.
